Let me start by saying that I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything. Yet as I was putting all the girl clothes away, I was kind of sad. I don't know how to explain it. Going through the clothes and remembering how I felt when I was pregnant with "her," I started missing her. It's not that I wish I had a daughter rather than a son, but I think that because I thought my baby was a girl for five months, I became attached to that idea. That is who my baby was.
When Quinn was born and we had a boy, I wasn't bothered at all. I love little boys and didn't really think about my girl again until this week. Now my little girl's existence fits in a 45"x35"x7" vacuum sealed bag and it's a little hard to take. It's not that I'm really mourning over her, but in a small way maybe I am.
Strangely enough I feel like I had two babies. I have a hard time associating my pregnancy with Quinn. When I think of the ultrasound pictures I don't think of Quinn, I think of my girl. It's really weird because that girl never existed, but packing up those clothes and writing about it now, I'm kind of sad--maybe the best way to say it is that I wish I had both my babies. This probably sounds super strange and I don't think anyone will really understand me unless you've been there, done that, but I wanted to record how I felt. This is my official goodbye to my girl.
6 comments:
this may sound a little weird... but I feel like I completely understand. Of course our hannah was a little girl and we have gotten ready for a girl a few times... so now that it is all actually happening, I am super, super excited for Gage, but at the same time, I was a little sad putting away all the girl clothes and quilts and such (And I most definitely need to get some vacuum bags... why didn't I think of that?). I guess I just figured we would always have a girl first. I think I am finally getting my head around the idea of having a boy because now I am excited to have a little boy! But every once in awhile when I see a cute little dress at the store, I remember.
So, I think I can understand where you are coming from. :) But yay for little boys!!!
I'm glad you posted this because I've wondered how all that was for you. It would definitely be weird to get used to a different gender and the thing I love about ultrasounds is that they make the baby feel more real to you, mainly because you learn what their gender is. So yeah, I better not say I completely understand but I definitely see where you're coming from.
Ahhhh. I totally get it. My pregnancies never seem very "real" until I know the gender. I see how that would feel like a loss after adjusting your mind and home to the idea you are having a girl. I think if I were you I would be turned off to ultrasounds in the future. Do you plan to find out with the next one?
I have never experienced this, but I can totally understand why you would feel that way.. and it would be kind of sad =(
I really liked that you posted this...because I think it makes perfect sense. I am so sorry that you have gone through a loss in a way. I am glad that you have your sweet boy. I love my little guy. I hope one day I can meet your little guy.
When I was pregnant with my third child and I just really, really wished for a girl and I got my beautiful cannon - I felt the same way. He is wonderful and marvelous - but I thought he was going to be a girl...luckily next I got Cali! After Cali I told Adam that I was done. He then had a dream that there was one more little girl waiting for us - shortly after we were pregnant and thinking of girl names...at the ultrasound when they said it was a boy I started to cry. He was healthy and I was happy but I was told by Adam that it was a little girl. Adam wanted me to be happy but I told him that I needed a day to be sad - I told him "tomorrow I will be happy we are having another boy, today I am sad that it was supposed to be a girl!" He is a sweet boy and I love him - so I guess it all works out in the end but it was difficult when I was going through it. Quinn is beautiful and I say that you have the right to be sad for your little girl. Love you!
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